December 22, 2008

A little bit bah humbug

Tonight I watched "Practical Magic" and "Imagine Me and You" and missed my family so much it was hard to breathe. I also worked on knitting my blue angel sweater and loaded software on the shiny new macbook, but I'm a multitasker.

Practical Magic is my favorite book. I don't even know how many times I've read it. Sally's my favorite in the book, I suppose because I think I'm the most like her. But the Aunts are my favorite in the movie. I like how unapologetically they live. My favorite line in the whole movie is when Aunt Frances says "My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not always a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage." That's what I want. To live courageously. I've worked in offices for almost seven years now, and I already know at the tender age of twenty two that I want to get as far from the 9 to 5 cubicle life as I can. Hopefully before too much longer, I'll be able to. Even if it's just flogging my guts out in a bookstore somewhere. I'd even be happy with Borders or Barnes and Noble instead of a cool independent store. As long as I'm surrounded by books, I'll be happy.

I've been thinking a lot about little ways to work in living artfully around the stupid cubicle job. Like dance classes. And circus classes. I was looking at nearby circus studios in the area earlier tonight. Thinking about what I might like to do next. The thing is, I don't want more hobbies. I want things to build my life around, and that includes a career. I used to joke to Dad about dropping out of college and going to circus school instead, and he always seemed to like that idea. I think a big part of it is that he liked the idea of me being in Sarasota. I still think he had some secret wish that I would go to Florida and be a Gator like he was. But sometimes I wonder if I should have done it, if I could have done it.

Just run away and join the circus, like everyone else secretly dreams of doing but never really considers seriously.

Those are the worst kind of dreams. The ones that get dropped without a second thought, just because they don't fit at first glance. But I want to fill my life with them. I want that kind of life that makes people say "How can you make a living doing that? That's not a real job." I never wanted a real job. I picked my major and minor, and my school even, specifically to avoid anything too real. But reality has made its way, so it's up to me to shove it back in the box.

One circus class and short story at a time.

No comments: